Shout out to all my fellow curse-breakers
An Honest Experiment #10
So here we are—entry number 10, and what a fitting number to write for.
Those who know me have seen my coveted Tarot and Oracle deck collection. Diviners of tarot know that minor arcana cards with the number 10 indicate a cycle reaching completion. Total bliss and satisfaction, things are coming to an end, abundance being harvested, wealth and security in a new beginning, truths being revealed. This about sums up the stage I am at.
It is Saturday, and this week, this entire project has been building to this moment of clarity. I woke up this morning (or rather this afternoon — I had a 4 am finish last night) and scrolled down my YouTube feed. The tarot readers and channels about twin flames and spiritual ascension I have been sucking down like Tim Tam Slams were saturating my subscription box. I had every intention of unsubscribing to them all and just focusing on things like booktubers and authors with writing tips that I would consume on the daily for a bit of a writer pick-me-up. But one reader just caught my eye. I ignored every other one except this, and just thought, ‘Why not?’ Perhaps there was something I had to be made aware of.
The reader spoke of a person who missed me, and who wants to work on the connection we have but feels like it’s too late. It might just be. I have really let go of a lot of things recently. This person was chief among them. But there was another interesting thing that came up in this collective reading. She spoke of a spell working its way into their life, having a hold over this person, and that this spell was finally wearing off. Had I heard all of this weeks ago, I would have been very hard on myself, thinking that I had unintentionally caused harm through my obsessive thoughts and overthinking, my bouncing around between hope and fear, anger and faith, my calm and impatience, my surrender and frustration. But hearing it, thinking about all the things that could possibly contribute to it, I realised it wasn’t me. No, it was beyond me, it was beyond anything I could do. I cannot protect that person, they have been in this slump all along. Something was pinning them in this limbo. And it made so much sense.
They were cursed.
I was baptised in the Greek Orthodox church. I grew up believing and seeing examples of the Mati or ‘evil eye,’ so I am no stranger to the possibility that this, or something strong enough to last over 10 years could be affecting an innocent. Of course, I will not blame this person’s own obvious failings on this curse, and I know where my attitude and decisions played their part in losing this connection. It’s just a theory, but if it’s true, it’s a huge piece to this whacked-out puzzle.
This brought no twisted satisfaction on my end, just that kind of second-hand pity you feel for a character on TV. That character that makes you shake your head and their passiveness or poor decision, and swear that if you were in their shoes, you would have done it differently. That character that is denied their true heart’s desire, both by external circumstances blocking their path, but also not quite having the strength or courage to fight their way through it and get what they want. I’m not saying what they want is me, no one can know what they want unless they say so, if they ever have the capacity to admit it to themselves and be willing to fight for it.
Humans often have a fierce black and white view on the topic of Fate and Free Will. I have learnt they are one and the same. A predetermined destiny is based on the choices you make, setting off chain reactions throughout your journey. It can switch course whichever way is necessary to learn the lessons we must, find the friends and family that we need, and know ourselves in our entirety. In the moments where we feel that there is a block of some kind, even if everything around us has been all that we have worked for, all that we have believed to have wanted, is it a lack of gratitude, greed for more, or is it deeper knowing that this was not supposed to be so?
Then it just comes down to your own courage to learn what that is, take it in, take it everywhere. Break through that fear. Break yourself down so the pieces fit better than before.
Find your curses and break them.
-M